Inner-conflict

So, basically I was a huge IDIOT (and pretty much really annoying). Donal and I spent MONTHS as "just friends." We really liked each other, spent all of our time together, and I spent most of that time saying "I don't want a boyfriend...let's just be friends...". Part of that was because I was being wierd and part of it was that I thought having a boyfriend would give me a scandalous reputation around town (something the Peace Corps had warned us about). I also thought it was pointless because I knew I would leave Guatemala someday and I didn't want anyone to get hurt.

(embarrassed face)
Ok, I have to admit: I was also being stubborn because someone in my Peace Corps training class had (and I don't know why they thought this) voted me "most likely to marry a Guatemalan." The Peace Corps traning director told us that 2-3 out of every training class end up fulfilling that role. At the time I emphatically denied any truth in the prediction and I later stubbornly tried to avoid situations (like dating a Guatemalan) that could lead to the fulfillment of the prophesy.

All this was floating around in my head making me more and more confused about what I really wanted with Donal.

Meanwhile, people around town started to notice. I should mention that most towns in Guatemala suffer from an illness called "small-town-itis" which causes people to watch each other like hawks and gossip about like their isn't anything better to do (because there really isn't). So, while I was saying "Let's just be friends" everone in town was saying "Did you hear that Andrea's dating Donal?".

I should also mention that in Guatemala, meeting someone's family and admitting that you are dating is a REALLY big deal. Young people meet up in secret for years until they finally tell their parents about it. You can go to any Guatemalan town during the late evening and see dozens of secretly-in-love couples making out on dark street corners safely hidden from their family's knowledge. So, me wanting to be "just friends" with Donal looked to the average townsperson like the normal secret-dating ritual performed by everyone else.

So, I finally got annoyed of saying I wanted to be "just friends", worrying about my reputation, denying my feelings, and hearing from everyone else that I really WASN'T "just friends" with Donal, I decided to go for it. I threw myself overboard into waters I knew might hold dangers like scandalous reputations, future heartbreak, "I-told-you-so"s and inter-cultural conflicts.

...and I am SO glad I did!